Jealousy is one of the most common issues that couples face, yet it’s often misunderstood or brushed aside as something to just “get over.” The truth is, that jealousy is a deeply human emotion that even the strongest, most secure relationships can experience from time to time. The key is learning how to overcome jealousy in a healthy way rather than letting it fester and damage the relationship.
At its core, jealousy stems from feelings of insecurity, fear of abandonment, and a perceived threat to the relationship. While a little jealousy can even be normal or expected at times, excessive, uncontrolled jealousy is unhealthy. It eats away at the foundation of trust and care that relationships need to thrive.
The good news is that with some self-awareness, open communication, and commitment to personal growth, jealousy doesn’t have to control you or sabotage your relationship. This blog post will explore 15 practical tips for overcoming jealousy, rebuilding trust, and fortifying your emotional health as a couple.
Understanding Where Jealousy Comes From
Before you can overcome jealousy, it helps to understand its roots. Jealousy is a natural human emotion hardwired into our brains and psychology. It often arises from:
- Insecurity or low self-esteem
- Anxiety over losing your partner
- Unresolved childhood issues or past relationship traumas
- Facing a threat that triggers feelings of inadequacy
We are biologically wired to feel jealous when we sense a potential threat to a valued relationship. However, that evolutionary protective impulse can go into unhealthy overdrive when we haven’t dealt with underlying fears, anxieties or past hurts.
In essence, jealousy is often a sign that you have some internal work to do on building self-confidence, security, and trust – in yourself and your partner. With care and effort, jealousy can transform from a relationship stumbling block into an opportunity for growth.
15 Tips to Overcome Jealousy in Your Relationship
- Acknowledge the jealousy openly with your partner, and have an honest discussion about what’s prompting those feelings. Clear communication is key.
- Recognize that jealousy usually stems from your own insecurities rather than your partner’s actions. It’s an internal struggle you need to work on.
- Practice managing jealous emotions through techniques like journaling, deep breathing, and mindfulness rather than acting on knee-jerk feelings.
- Explore the root causes and unmet needs that feed your jealousy using self-reflection, therapy, or couples counseling. Heal your past wounds.
- Before pointing fingers at your partner, look inward first. Your jealousy could be an internal overreaction rather than your partner’s issue.
- Remember that feeling jealous doesn’t automatically mean your partner has done something wrong. Jealousy can arise from your own fears rather than facts.
- Voice concerns to your partner respectfully if their actions do seem to cross boundaries, but avoid accusations until you’ve heard their perspective.
- Make an effort to build your self-esteem and self-appreciation. Low self-worth often underlies runaway jealousy.
- Develop healthy coping mechanisms like exercise or meditation to avoid obsessive, destructive jealous thoughts.
- If jealousy threatens to make you lash out, take a break and self-soothe until you regain control of intense emotions.
- Explore your unspoken needs in the relationship that could be causing you to feel jealous if they’re going unmet, and discuss them openly.
- Build trust in your relationship by setting boundaries, increasing quality time, and reaffirming your commitment to each other.
- See a therapist, either alone or together as a couple, if jealousy has become unmanageable or damaging.
- Be patient and revisit jealousy issues over time rather than trying to force an instant solution. Overcoming it is a process.
- If your partner is the jealous one, respond with empathy, affection and patience rather than dismissing their feelings as irrational.
Is Jealousy Ever Healthy?
When jealousy stems from a place of love and care for your partner, some mild jealousy can potentially be positive for a relationship. For example, feeling a small twinge of jealousy upon seeing your partner’s interaction with an ex could simply be your mind’s way of saying “I care about this person, and I want to protect what we have.”
Jealousy can become unhealthy, however, when it stems from deep insecurity, possessiveness, or control issues. Excessive, unfounded jealousy erodes trust and often arises from fears and negative thought patterns within the jealous person rather than their partner’s actual behavior.
Ultimately, jealousy is only healthy when:
- It’s mild and temporary
- It inspires healthy communication and reconnection rather than baseless accusations
- It serves as a catalyst to reaffirm love, boundaries and commitment rather than a endless cycle of distrust
If jealousy controls your life and relationship, it needs to be addressed as an internal issue through self-work, therapy, improved communication and boundary-setting as a couple.
Rebuilding Trust After Jealousy Issues
When jealousy has disrupted the foundational trust in a relationship, it’s important to rebuild that trust over time actively. Some effective ways to do this include:
- Having open, honest conversations about what happened, how you both feel, and what you both need moving forward
- Reaffirming your commitment, love and investment in the relationship and each other
- Setting clear boundaries about friendships, interactions or behaviors that are off-limits
- Increasing quality time, intimacy, and opportunties to build new positive shared experiences
- Considering a therapist’s guidance if you can’t seem to get over trust issues individually
- Making repair attempts after hurtful words or actions related to jealousy
- Giving the relationship space to breathe and rebuild organically
The road to rebuilding trust can be long after jealousy has eroded it. But with patience, effort, and dedication to growth as individuals and partners, it’s very possible to restore a supportive, trusting dynamic.
Prioritizing Emotional Health
At the end of the day, overcoming jealousy requires prioritizing your own emotional health as well as the health of the relationship. Too often, unresolved insecurities, fears or past hurts can unknowingly influence how we act, react and attach in our closest relationships.
Some ways to actively invest in your emotional well-being include:
- Building self-esteem and self-worth through positive self-talk, affirming qualities you’re proud of, and celebrating accomplishments
- Examining and reframing negative core beliefs about yourself or your worthiness of love
- Exploring your early childhood experiences, attachment patterns and past relationships through self-reflection or therapy
- Identifying and addressing emotional triggers, anxieties or sensitivities you have around intimacy or commitment
- Setting boundaries to protect your emotional space while still allowing closeness
- Healing from any past betrayals, traumas or violations of trust that may subconsciously impact your current relationships
- Speaking kindly to yourself, nurturing yourself, and meeting your own needs for rest, joy and fulfillment
When you take a proactive approach to manage your own emotional health, it has profound ripple effects in your closest relationships. You approach issues like jealousy from a stance of security, self-awareness and care rather than insecurity and fear.
While no couple is immune to feelings of jealousy forever, taking steps to understand its roots while building trust, boundaries and emotional resilience can stop it from sabotaging your happiness. With care and consciousness, something that once threatened to pull you apart can ultimately bring you closer together.
